It's Fun To Have Sex With Other Humans

Recently a friend and I discussed the possibility of people dating outside of their Attractiveness Strata. What do you do if you are only attracted to people who are better looking than you are? Do you go for it? Or do you adjust your expectations and try to make do with the people who are within your own sexual class?

Overall, my advice is pretty simple: go for it. Always always go for it.

The reason I can say that with confidence is because there is no actual damage in going after anyone. It doesn’t hurt you. Getting rejected is a great deal less painful than hiding in a corner and wishing you were thinner.

And it isn’t like you always have loads of people you have to choose between. On any given day, the odds are damn slim that that you have stumbled across a single, available person whose gender and sexuality matches up to yours. So you might as well play for the win every chance that you get.

But I do think that people hurt themselves sometimes by limiting who they are willing to consider. There are a lot of areas of life where folks have a tendency to confuse what they think they want with what they actually want. If you want to fuck someone pretty, then that is perfectly fine, and just like in the children’s books, you can probably get it done if you believe in yourself. (this from the popular children’s book “Andy The Anteater Totally Gets Himself Some Hot Poon”)

But what you really want is someone who is going to give you the kind of relationship (or just the kind of sex) that you want. And for that, you want to cast a wide net. Talk to people for a bit. Get to know them a little. The key phrase here is A LITTLE. It doesn’t take much time (I’m talking a few minutes) to know what someone is like. If you aren’t turned on, then shift gears and move on to better hunting. But I think, in EITHER direction --- either too hot or not hot enough--- you’re making a mistake if you rule anyone out without at least throwing out some feelers, and seeing what they do with them.

The most interesting thing about this topic is how it came to me to begin with: the person who originally asked me “do you think I go for people who are too hot for me?” did so after she had gone on a series of dates with people that she was not turned on by. She didn’t like them, and somehow she suspected it was because SHE was not attractive enough.

About 90 percent of dating stress comes from self-sabotage. The weird and happy truth is this: whatever you are doing, you probably aren’t doing anything wrong. Dating is a game of chance, you win when luck says you’re gonna win, and mostly you just have to figure out a way to keep from driving yourself brain-crazed in the process.

It doesn’t matter how pretty or perky or petite you are: there is never a good reason not to go for what you want the most. Maybe you aren’t a stunner who can have anyone (hint: there is no such person.) Maybe you ARE in a lower class of lookers, and maybe the number of people who will be attracted to you is fewer than your smooth skinned, trampy pal. It doesn’t matter. The only thing you should ever ask yourself is who is good enough for YOU.

Also, you’re sexier than you think. I promise.