Something terrible and threatening is approaching, and it has inspired me to come out of hiding and return to the Blog, after a long and unexcused hiatus. The terrible threat to us all that is arriving? Yes, it is the movie Twilight.
I know that Twilight is not new. And I know that there are more than a few crimes committed by the novel in question; the overuse of adverbs alone may qualify as a civil rights violation. (really, Stephanie, there is no need ever to use the words “whispered quietly.”) And also, I am a vampire fan. I am a SERIOUS vampire fan. I did no fewer than SIX independent study courses in college on vampire mythology, so both my Vamp-Love and my total Dork-wad credentials are firm.
With all that in mind; I HATE the modern Young Adult Fiction creation of the Vampire as a sexless, self-righteous, pretty-boy-with-no-testosterone cock tease. It makes me want to scream. It isn’t just stupidly shallow, it is also deeply anti-feminist and, worse, simply dishonest.
It would be different if there was any disguise to the fact that “bloodlust” is just a metaphor for regular lust. But it is, and always has been. Drinking blood stands in for fucking. And in this story (as in Buffy, I'm sorry to say, and many others) the “hero” is required to swear off the drinking of blood in order to be "good". Yes, Edward Cullen is a pretty boy who has sworn never ever to commit the sin of having sex with a poor helpless girl. And it is bullshit.
It is bullshit because sex isn’t evil, and it isn’t something that a boy does to a girl, and it doesn’t drain you of life and free will and decency. More importantly, it is bullshit because it is bullshit: it is an lie. In real life, when people fall in love, they get physical. The make out. They see each other naked. They touch each others bottoms (it's true!). And these stories are here to tell you that if you do that (which everyone does) you are nasty nasty bad bad. The real hero of these stories isn’t the Male Vampire who has so nobly given up blood/sex/maleness. The hero is the girl, who is SO passionate, so sensitive, so special, but still has such a very very clean vagina.
That isn’t something to look up to. You don’t get to walk around being all proud of how passionate AND how chaste you are. Chastity is for chumps. Passion is sex. Passion is touch. Yes, there is a kind of passion that is platonic and not about fucking, but that isn’t what these stories are about. These stories are about the ancient, hateful little idea that REAL love is only love without sex. That the BEST love is love where you keep your little cold genitals firmly clamped down.
But in real life, girls fall for pretty sparkly boys, and then they FUCK them. That is the way it should be. No, you don't have to do the full penis-in-pussy action. But that is the message of these books: ANY sex is bad sex. Heavy petting may as well be slitting your throat. Anything that involves anything beyond staring mournfully at your "lover" is forbidden. But girls in real life, they deserve to get lubed up and pleasured. Even if it breaks their hearts. Even if it is sticky and painful and dangerous. To love someone without getting physical isn't noble, it is silly and childish. Luckily, in real life, it doesn't happen. Which is why these books are not just shallow, they are a bit dangerous. Because real girls in real life ARE making out with their boyfriends. They are getting fingered and enjoying it. And Stephanie Meyer is here to tell you that you should be ashamed of yourself.
I do understand that these characters are in high school. I have news from the world, friends: by high school, our sex lives are in full swing. A thousand years of trying to deny it hasn't made it any less true.
Twilight goes beyond the fairy tale as wish fulfillment. It is a sneaky little parable about the virtue of sexual repression, where real love-- the kind that includes fingers in holes and tounges on nipples and genitals drenched in fluids--- real love is considered a form of evil. It’s hard for me to think of any idea more mean spirited than the idea that all girls should be looking for a boy who would never dare let his animal side loose on her.
Not to mention, the men in these stories pretty much always substitute human blood with animal blood. And if you follow the metaphor... well, we have got a lot of pretty boys who like to fuck bunny rabbits.
Love isn’t sexless. Girls, if you meet a boy who is SO SO pretty that you can’t stand it, and then find out he has “sworn off” his animal instincts, that isn’t the start of a beautiful tragic romance. It is the start of the most boring boyfriend ever.
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